Shadows Remind That There is Light

A while back I wrote a post which was a letter to my inner critic. What was beautiful about that experience was how much compassion I found for that part of myself. Usually I am critical about the critic or I listen to that voice a little too closely. However, writing that letter reminded me that the inner critic is not there to make me feel bad. She is trying, in a misguided way, to keep me safe, to protect me from ridicule and to support my success. Unfortunately, she does so in a way that leads to overwhelm and a diminished self-worth.

I received a lot of feedback about that post. People seem to resonate with it. And it got me thinking about those other “unwanted” emotions, or those shadow parts we all have. Maybe they just want to be seen. Maybe they all have a part to play. Maybe there is no such thing as a bad emotion, just one we need to look at differently. Too many times we either ignore them or pack them away, hoping they will just disappear.

The thing about shadows is that they can only exist in the light. And they always exist in the presence of light. But when we are facing the light, we don’t see the shadow. In the same way, when we are turned away from the light, all we can see is shadow. How many times do we feel those unwanted emotions and cry out that we just want to feel good again? How many times do we see the shadow and wish for the light?

What if, instead, we intentionally looked at the shadow, saw the beauty in it and recognized that it is showing us that there is light?

So, over the next few weeks, I am going to intentionally spend time with those shadows. Not to wallow in them, but to learn from them, to acknowledge them and to ask them what they want to show me about the light that empowers them. This is a time to explore the hidden parts of our emotional landscape. I want to ask those parts what they want me to know, what they need from me and how I can reframe them into something more positive.

What are Shadow Emotions?

Shadow emotions are those feelings we tend to not want to feel. They are the ones we avoid feeling by keeping busy or distracting ourselves. They are the ones we deny feeling or that we repress because they make us uncomfortable. Sometimes we do so because we are worried our feelings will make other people feel uncomfortable.

Shadow emotions include feelings like anger or jealousy, fear or shame, insecurity or overwhelm. Those feelings are just as important as joy and security, confidence and connection, passion and love. However, many of us have never learned how to feel those shadow feelings in a healthy way. We have seen anger played out as violence. We have seen shame lead to depression. We have known people who let their jealousy destroy relationships. We have been conditioned to avoid these emotions, or at least not to express them. But what if anger prompts us to speak out against injustice? What if insecurity is simply holding us back from stepping into our greatness to protect us from disappointment? What if overwhelm is simply a message that it is time to re-evaluate our priorities?

The Impact of Ignoring Shadow Emotions

There was a time, not too long ago, that I made a massive discovery. I have always been one to avoid feeling emotions. One day, while in my therapist’s office, I was talking about some emotion I thought I was feeling. She asked me where in my body I was feeling it.

What? What did she mean?

See, until that day, I did not realize that people actually feel emotions. I thought that was just a thing people said. My experience with emotions had been almost entirely cognitive. I understood sadness when I thought about sad things. I did not, however, experience sadness as a physical feeling in my body.

The problem with that is that I also had not really experienced the “good” or desirable emotions as physical feelings either. Rather than feeling my emotions, I had spent most of my life suppressing them, thinking them away or packing them up and stuffing them down. The thing is, when we don’t allow ourselves to feel our way through them, emotions just sit there, like heavy bags weighing us down. And when we finally do have the capacity to experience them, it takes a lot of time and energy to work through each one.

In my life, not acknowledging my shadow emotions manifested as repetitive patters of ignoring problems and avoiding conflict and it negatively affected my mental health and my relationships. Doing the work to understand that emotions are neither good nor bad, but simply that they are there to send us a message, has freed me to be able to feel through them, even when it is uncomfortable.

Embracing Vulnerability – A Path to Self-Discovery

As I share my journey toward accepting and understanding these emotions without judgement, I hope you will take time to look inward and to find courage in your own self-explorations. I know there will be times when it feels very vulnerable, but vulnerability is very brave and allows us to foster emotional growth while accessing our truest selves. There is great power in showing ourselves compassion as we explore these emotions.

Steps to Begin Exploring Shadow Emotions

One of the best tools I have found for learning to recognize and manage my emotions is journaling. Keeping a journal allows me to explore my own feelings in a safe place. My journaling practice is sacred and is just for me. When I publish these posts, I have already worked through feelings. I encourage you, if you are on your own journey to becoming more attuned to your emotions, to begin journaling. I will include a journal prompt with each post.

If you are finding it to be a very challenging practice, consider including support from a professional or from friends and family when delving into difficult emotions.

Next week I will consider two emotions: Fear and Loneliness. We will explore fear as a protective mechanism and ask it what it wants to teach us. We will also consider how loneliness can be an opportunity for self-reflection and growth.

When we are brave enough to acknowledge our shadows, only then can we truly appreciate the brilliance of the light that resides within us and shines through us.