Sometimes, we go through life ticking boxes on a to-do list (which, I must admit, is very satisfying), setting goals because that’s what we think we should do, or simply because it’s expected of us. But have you ever paused and asked yourself the honest question: “What do I really want?” Today, we’re taking a deeper dive into our dreams—beyond the surface-level goals—to uncover the heart of what truly matters.
Beyond the Surface: The Quest for Authentic Desire
Many of us start with broad, generalized goals—get a promotion, lose weight, or travel more. These aspirations are important, but they can often mask more profound longings. When we ask, “What do I really want?” we invite ourselves to look past societal expectations and fleeting trends, focusing instead on our authentic desires. For so long, when I would ask myself this question, the answer was usually something about my job or a hope for my children. It was not really about the kind of person I want to be or how I want to be in the world.
Imagine standing at the edge of a vast ocean. Each wave represents each goal you’ve ever set—some dictated by your own heart, others borrowed from what you think life should be, and still others taken on from others’ dreams for you. To navigate this ocean, you must discover your true compass. That compass is your inner truth. It’s about stripping away the noise and connecting with what deeply resonates with your soul. That stripping away of the noise is challenging. Those waves are loud and there are so many distractions.
Reflecting on the Inner Landscape
Taking time for introspection can be both challenging and exhilarating. Here are some reflective questions to help guide us on this journey:
- What activities make you lose track of time?
Think about moments when you feel completely immersed in what you’re doing. These moments can reveal passions and interests that often hide behind daily routines. For me, those moments often come when I am sitting at my pottery wheel or preparing a meal for the people I love. Sometimes those moments are found in my garden. - What legacy do you wish to leave behind?
This isn’t about grand gestures or monumental achievements. It’s about the small, consistent acts that shape who you are. Ask yourself what you want people to remember about you when you’re not in the room. - How does your ideal day look?
Picture waking up without an alarm clock, engaging in work or play that energizes you, spending time with loved ones, and ending the day with a sense of fulfillment. What elements are essential to that picture? - What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
Fear often holds us back from pursuing our true desires. Imagining a life free from the fear of failure can help you identify those dreams that have been tucked away in your heart.
Personal Anecdotes: My Journey to Authenticity
I remember a time when I felt overwhelmed by the expectations of others. I chased goals that, on the surface, looked impressive—like achieving certain career milestones or accumulating material possessions. But as I reached each milestone, there remained a lingering sense of emptiness. It wasn’t until I experienced some burnout, took a step back and asked myself, “What do I really want?” that I discovered a yearning for connection, creativity, and a life lived with passion.
That introspection led me to embrace smaller, more meaningful changes. I began carving out time for creative pursuits, prioritized meaningful conversations, and allowed myself the freedom to pursue projects that felt right—even if they didn’t fit the traditional mold of success. I worked on building stronger connections with my wife and my children, and intentionally spending time with friends. This process has been slow, but it reminds me that authenticity isn’t found in grand achievements alone—it’s found in the consistent, genuine moments that define who we are.
Practical Steps to Uncover Your True Desires
Turning reflection into action requires some deliberate steps. Here are practical strategies to help you move from surface-level goals to the core of what you truly want:
1. Start with a Deep Journaling Session
Set aside quiet time—perhaps an hour in the morning or before bed—to dive deep into your thoughts. Begin with these questions:
- What activities light you up?
- When have you felt most alive, and what were you doing?
- If you could design your ideal life, what would it look like from start to finish?
Allow your thoughts to flow without judgment. This practice isn’t about perfection; it’s about honesty with yourself. The practice of imagining the life you truly want is sometimes enough to kickstart a renewed vision and set you on a new path.
2. Create a Vision Board with Intention
Gather images, words, and symbols that represent more than just goals—they should evoke feelings, memories, and aspirations that resonate with your inner self. This isn’t just about pretty pictures on a board; it’s about creating a visual narrative of your authentic self. Arrange your vision board in a way that tells the story of your dreams, the challenges you’re ready to overcome, and the joy you envision. Personally, I do not use a vision board. Rather, I have a private Pinterest board on which I pin ideas stories, pictures that align with the vision I have for the next stage of my life. It is that board that currently inspires me to spend time writing, to move forward with the home renovation we have been putting off for years, to begin dreaming about the chapter that will come after retirement.
3. Embrace Conversations that Matter
Sometimes, the process of discovery can be enriched by talking with others who have taken similar journeys. Engage in deep conversations with trusted friends, mentors, or even through online communities. Ask them about the moments when they felt most true to themselves. Listening to their stories can spark insights and help you see possibilities you might have overlooked.
4. Experiment with New Experiences
If you’re unsure what truly ignites your passion, sometimes the best approach is to experiment. Try out different activities—attend a workshop, join a new group, or explore a hobby you’ve always been curious about. Each new experience is a chance to learn more about yourself and refine what you really want. Two years ago I would have never imagined I would find a love for working with clay. But taking a chance on a class ignited a passion in me that has led to a very fulfilling hobby.
Shifting Your Mindset: From ‘Should’ to ‘Want’
One of the biggest obstacles in discovering our true desires is the internalized voice of “should.” I am speaking to myself here. My therapist and I often work through my “should” moments…the things I should do or should have done. We often tell ourselves we should pursue a career, follow a trend, or meet certain milestones because that’s what’s expected. To unearth what I truly want, I have started questioning these internalized directives. I am replacing “I should…” with “I want…” and it is interesting to see how that simple shift can open new avenues for exploration.
Consider this: If you’re constantly driven by what you think you ought to do, you might miss out on what truly excites you. By embracing the mindset of “want,” you honor your individuality. You begin to see your goals not as obligations, but as expressions of your authentic self.
Integrating Your Discoveries into Daily Life
Once we’ve started to unearth our true desires, the next step is integrating these insights into our daily routine. Here are a few ways to keep our newfound clarity alive and vibrant:
- Daily Reflection: End each day by reflecting on moments when you felt aligned with your true self. Did you take a step toward one of your dreams? Even small acknowledgments can reinforce your path.
- Set Micro-Goals: Instead of overwhelming yourself with grand plans, break your desires into micro-goals. What is one small action you can take today that moves you closer to your authentic dream?
- Celebrate Progress: Recognize and celebrate every step, no matter how small. Over time, these micro-goals build into a significant transformation.
The Journey Ahead
As we continue this series on manifesting a life filled with purpose and passion, remember that discovering what you really want is an ongoing process. It’s not a destination but a journey—a continuous dialogue with our inner self. Every day offers a new opportunity to re-align, to dream, and to act with intention.
Before you go, I invite you to take a moment of quiet reflection:
Reflection Exercise:
Find a comfortable space, close your eyes, and take several deep breaths. Allow yourself to connect with your inner voice. Ask yourself: “What do I really want?” Let the answer come without judgment or interruption. When you’re ready, jot down your thoughts. This simple exercise can be a powerful first step toward a more authentic life.
Final Thoughts
The path to manifesting your dream life begins with clarity about what you truly desire. It’s about stripping away the layers of external expectations and listening to the quiet, persistent voice within. As you continue on this journey, remember that every small insight, every reflection, and every micro-goal brings you closer to a life that resonates with your deepest self.
I encourage you to embrace this process with curiosity and compassion. Celebrate your discoveries and be patient with yourself as you navigate this inner landscape. Your dreams are waiting, and every step you take is a beautiful affirmation of your commitment to living a life that feels truly yours.
Thank you for joining me on this exploration of authentic desire. I look forward to hearing about your discoveries and the steps you’re taking to align your life with what you really want. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below or connect with me on social media. Together, we can build a community that supports and celebrates the journey toward a life lived with intention.
Happy dreaming, and here’s to a future crafted by the truth of your heart!
Christine Sharpe: Writer, Speaker, Leader . 
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